(...)

INT. L.A. BUSINESS LUNCH RESTAURANT - MIDDAY

Kaufman, wearing his purple sweater sans tags, sits with
Valerie, an attractive woman in wire-rim glasses. They pick
at salads. Kaufman steals glances at her lips, her hair, her
breasts. She looks up at him. He blanches, looks away.

                    KAUFMAN (V.O.)
          I'm old.   I'm bald. I'm repulsive.

                    VALERIE
          We think you're just great.

                                                     (CONTINUED)
       

                                                               4.
CONTINUED:

                    KAUFMAN
              (with studied modesty)
          Oh, thank you.

Valerie absently rubs her nose. Kaufman self-consciously 
rubs his nose in response.

                    VALERIE
             And we're thrilled you're interested.

Valerie rubs her nose again. Kaufman pulls at his nostril.
A rivulet of sweat slides down his forehead. Valerie watches
it. Kaufman sees her watching it. She sees him seeing her
watching it. She looks at her salad. He quickly swabs.

                    KAUFMAN
             Oh, thanks, wow. That's nice to hear.

                    VALERIE
             You have a really unique voice.

                    KAUFMAN
             Well, thanks. That's... I appreciate
             that.

                    VALERIE
             Very talented. Really.

                    KAUFMAN
             Thanks. Thank you. Thanks.

                    VALERIE
                 (looking up)
             So --

Kaufman's brow is dripping again. He smiles, embarrassed.

                    KAUFMAN
             Sort of hot in here.

                    VALERIE
                 (kindly)
             Yeah, it is a bit. So, why don't you
             tell me your thoughts on this crazy
             little project of ours.

In one motion, Kaufman swabs his forehead and pulls a book
entitled The Orchid Thief from his bag.

                    KAUFMAN
          First, I think it's a great book.

                                                       (CONTINUED)
        

                                                               5.
CONTINUED: (2)

                    VALERIE
          Laroche is a fun character, isn't he?

Kaufman nods, flips through the book, stalling. There's a
smiling author photo of Susan Orlean on the inside back
cover.

                    KAUFMAN
          And Orlean makes orchids so fascinating.
          Plus her musings on Florida, orchid
          poaching. Indians. Great, sprawling New
          Yorker stuff. I'd want to remain true to
          that, let the movie exist rather than be
          artificially plot driven.

                    VALERIE
          Okay, great, great. I guess I'm not
          exactly sure what that means.


                    KAUFMAN
          Oh. Well... I'm not sure exactly yet
          either. So... y'know, it's...

                    VALERIE
          Oh. Okay. Great. So, um, what --

                    KAUFMAN
          It's just, I don't want to compromise by
          making it a Hollywood product. An orchid
          heist movie. Or changing the orchids
          into poppies and turning it into a movie
          about drug running. Y'know?

                    VALERIE
          Oh, of course. We agree. Definitely.

                    KAUFMAN

          Or cramming in sex, or car chases, or
          guns. Or characters learning profound
          life lessons. Or characters growing or
          characters changing or characters
          learning to like each other or characters
          overcoming obstacles to succeed in the
          end. Y'know? Movie shit.

Kaufman is sweating like crazy now. Valerie is quiet for a
moment.

                    VALERIE
          See, we thought maybe Susan Orlean and
          Laroche could fall in love during the
          course of --
                                                    (CONTINUED)
         

                                                               6.
CONTINUED: (3)

                    KAUFMAN
          Alienated journalist writes about
          passionate backwoods guy and he teaches
          her to love. I mean, it didn't happen,
          it wouldn't happen. It's Hollywood.

(...)